Village Blog

ParentLink: Tackle the Lies of Our Hook-Up Culture

Posted by Mario Arindaeng on

Contents:  Articles | Media Reviews | Upcoming Events

Articles

Casual encounters have replaced dating among many young people, as glamorized in movies such as Friends With Benefits and No Strings Attached. These promiscuous “hookups” accentuate the devil’s diabolical skills:

    • Mental impact—Satan uses the false promises of promiscuity as a primary temptation to overcome a low self-image: “If you can get a guy or girl to sleep with you, it proves you aren’t as [ugly, fat, awkward, unpopular, generally undesirable] as you think you are.”
    • Physical impact—God created sexual foreplay and intercourse as a celebration of unity between a man and woman who’ve vowed to stay together forever. But the devil flaunts sex as just something physically fun to do—a recreational pastime with no downside.
    • Spiritual impact—Satan promises relationship through physical intimacy but leaves us with only wounds and damage to our ability to be in relationship with God and others.

The hookup culture is so enticing that conventional approaches to helping kids avoid its traps are nearly useless. Young people need to hear about positive relationships, about how God treasures them as his children, and about his limitless forgiveness. Read on to learn more about conveying these messages.

Tips

Lauren Surprenant, a ministry director for Youth for Christ, suggests these redemptive approaches to engaging with young people on the topic of sex:

    • Ignore the awkwardness. Instead, open your mouth and start talking. Kids may giggle, but they’ll still talk to you. So be adult enough to tackle the topic. You won’t be a magnet for tough questions until you’ve proven you can navigate choppy waters.
    • Be “for,” not against. Rescuing kids from the hookup culture is centrally about being for the beauty and power of a redeemed relationship with God.
    • Move from the givens of promiscuity to the starting point of “asexuality.” Calling kids into a commitment to asexual behavior (no sex) generates more interest and discussion than does the use of churchy words. The asexual standard isn’t simply targeted at intercourse. If kids wouldn’t want Grandma watching them do something, then it isn’t “asexual.”
    • Cancel the condemnation. Share the good news of the redemption behind Jesus’ sacrifice. No matter how destructive and repugnant the behavior, it isn’t an impediment to God’s grace and mercy.
    • Speak the Truth. If teenagers are turning to sex to fill their God-shaped hole, then they haven’t yet discovered their place in that epic adventure. Remind them that they’re in the story.

The View

    • Among kids ages 15 to 17, 44% of boys and 39% of girls have engaged in some kind of sexual activity with an opposite-sex partner. (CDC)
    • Although 73% of mothers tell researchers they’ve talked with their teenager about sex, only 46% of teens strongly agreed they had. (Girls Uncovered)
    • More than 80% of parents who have sexually active teenagers know that their kids have had intercourse, but only 45% of parents whose teens said they’ve had oral sex knew it. (USA Today)

Ponder This

    • How has the hookup culture affected your kids’ attitudes about sexuality? How has it affected your views?
    • For you, what’s the most challenging aspect of discussing sexuality with your teenagers?
    • What’s the most important message you’d like to convey to your kids about sexuality—and how can you do that?

A Template for "The Talk"

Expert Insights for Parents of Teenagers | By Lauren Surprenant

Use this guide for discussing sexual choices with teenagers. Also pray for the Holy Spirit to give you the words he wants you to say to your kids.

"I’m not going to preach at you; I just want to help you understand the long-term ramifications of sex-too-soon with someone besides your spouse.

First, you could get pregnant—and you won’t be on a TV show that pays all your bills. Having a baby won’t provide you with someone who will love you unconditionally. (If that’s what you want, get a dog.) If you’re a girl, look at your relationship with your mother; for boys, look at your father. You’ll be just like her (or him), and your child will be just like you. Your child will always have greater struggles, and your life will be over because you’ll exist for your child. And if you think using birth control will prevent these consequences, you’re wrong.

Next, consider the impact of intimacy and how your sexual involvement will impact your future spouse. The level of intimacy you have with your sexual partner should enhance a lifetime commitment. When you save that treasure for the soulmate you marry, sex isn’t a heat-of-the- moment act but a true expression of love. When you hookup as a teenager, however, you will be having an awkward conversation later with the person you’d like to marry—and that could be a deal-breaker.

Premarital sexual involvement also leads to drama and damaged reputations. Don’t give people “something to talk about.” And don’t do stuff that will come back to haunt you in the future.

Finally, remember that Jesus sees you as wholesome, valued, and pure. He knows what’s best for you, so consider trusting him by doing things his way. Step away from “sex too soon” and live a life of purity, repenting and walking away from sin."

Bible Focus | 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 ESV

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God... For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.

Contents:  Articles | Media Reviews | Upcoming Events

Media Reviews

MAINSTREAM MUSIC

Bruno Mars

Background

This Hawaiian-born 27-year-old gained prominence after co-writing several hits with various artists—including Cee Lo Green’s smash “F*** You.” Mars released his own album in 2010 and was the best-selling digital artist of 2011. His style is all over the board, combining catchy pop, rock, reggae, hip-hop, soul, and R&B. Some of his lyrics are extremely sexual—including a new song that has the chorus, You’ll be banging on my chest/Bang bang, gorilla/You and me baby/making love like gorillas.

Albums

Unorthodox Jukebox (2012), Doo-Wops & Hooligans (2010)

What Mars Says

Regarding his 2011 arrest for cocaine possession: “It’s something that I wish would go away. It’s a cloud that constantly follows me no matter how many achievements. I’d like to move on. To show that I’m here for my music. Not to be in a tabloid.”

Explore

Both of Mars’ albums are on Spotify. He also hosted SNL late last year, so you can see him sing and act on Hulu.

CHRISTIAN MUSIC

Jeremy Camp

Background

Jeremy Camp’s father, a pastor, taught his son to play guitar. Camp was part of numerous worship bands before hitting it big with a solo career. He has numerous songwriting awards and gold albums. Camp’s first wife was diagnosed with cancer and died less than a year after they were married. Some of his early songs—including the powerful “I Still Believe”—deal with the resulting emotions. Camp has since remarried and has three children.

Albums

Reckless (2013), Speaking Louder Than Before (’08), Stay (’02)

What Camp Says

When asked about priorities, he says, “If I invest time in the Word of God, and spend time in prayer and love God with all my heart, mind, and soul — I’ll love my family better and I’ll be able to do this more effectively. Music does not take the place of family.”

Explore

Camp’s albums are available on Spotify.

MOVIES

Snitch

Genre: Action, Thriller   

Rating: PG-13 (for drug content and sequences of violence)

Synopsis: Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson stars as a father whose son is wrongly accused of selling drugs. He agrees to infiltrate the cartel to prove his son’s innocence and bring the guilty to justice.

Our Take: Movies about revenge are very popular right now. The PG-13 rating means the violence probably won’t be extreme. Consider debriefing with your teenagers afterward.

For more media reviews, visit http://www.pluggedin.com

VIDEO GAMES

Dead Space 3

This science-fiction horror series has always delivered the scares and the gore—two things teenagers can’t get enough of. The other games have been incredibly violent; the enemies are like zombies, and you have to blow them to bits or stomp on them to destroy them. This game is far too disturbing for teenagers. (Rated M; Xbox 360, PS3, PC)

Aliens: Colonial Marines

Companies keep trying to make video games about the “Alien” franchise, but so far they’ve all been awful. There’s no way to tell beforehand if this one will follow suit. Even if it ends up being rated T rather than M (unlikely), this is sure to be bloody and full of cursing. (Rated: Not yet rated; Xbox 360, PS3, PC)

Contents:  Articles | Media Reviews | Upcoming Events

Event Highlight

Winter Jam

More about Winter Jam 

All Upcoming Events

AC Middle School Events

AC High School Events

IC Middle School Events

IC High School Events

SG Middle School Events 

SG High School Events

Comments